I’ve had never been to Monte Carlo, but my girlfriend Donna has. She said everyone in the town is rich, smart, physically fit, healthy, very happy, drug free, content, wise beyond their years, good looking, articulate, educated, psychic, benevolent, good-hearted, perceptive, kind, caring, great taste in clothes, generous, youthful, levelheaded, clear eyed, and basically perfect. Well, this seemed too good to be true, I knew in my heart that something must be wrong. I jumped the first ocean liner and headed east, or west depending on where you are right now…wait...isn’t everything east of something, I mean is Paris east of Jupiter? This type of question was starting to drive me crazy. I thought about it over an over and over, day and night, I couldn’t sleep, I was going crazy. By the time I got to Monte Carlo I was almost suicidal. I forgot why I was going in the first place. Two years later the only thing I can say bad about the citizens of Monte Carlo is that they don’t like Polka.